One Person I Could Never Have
by Goat Woman
Summary: Hi! *waves* This is a Draco POV. I am thinking of writing a sequel for Harry. He just talks about how he wants Harry, but he can't have him. I know that you want to read it. Please Review. I'll love you lots and lots and buy you a hen. An invisable one.


DISCLIAMER: These characters are not mine, but I have stolen them…SEE. Read my work and you'll see. BWA HA HA HA HA! I am an evil, evil thief! I use them for my own enjoyment…and for others. You know…*sigh* Well, the point is that they aren't mine!

AN: A Draco POV. I am writing a Harry POV but meh, who knows. My muse ran away. Far away into a place where I cannot find it. It's terrible! Anyhoo, please review me. I am trying to clear my head! I GOT CONCUSSION!! Yea. A football hit me in the head. I think maybe it helped a little! *giggles * Just enjoy…and after you enjoy you can REVIEW!!!

One Person I Could Never Have 

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There is a place somewhere that it is very far away from here, where I'd be accepted. It would have to be far away though. I know that I've never been accepted here, never been loved. You tried to change that. Tried to make me think that I was worth something. Worth remembering. And I believed you. It took me a while, but I felt alive. I felt as though I could take on the world… take on my father. I didn't though, I learnt my lesson. And I lost you.

It was my choice in the end. I decided to give you up. You held too much of my heart inside you. I wanted to break you and get that piece of me back. What I didn't realise was that when I broke you, I broke myself too. I created a small split in my heart, the size of a pencil line. But, I felt it. And it felt like I'd been plunged into ice. Ice that burns and scars and tears and rips you. But I took something from that. I am ice now. I don't show anything. Not to my father, my friends, no one. It hurts though. Being solitary. Sometimes I reach out for you in the night and have to stifle a cry wen you aren't there. My sheets are cold and empty. Like me.

When we were…what we were, you would take my cheek in your palm and ask how my skin could be so cold. I used to shrug, too caught up in your eyes to think of a comment I should make. And you promised me…you promised me that you would fill me to the brim with your love and your warmth. You said I'd never be cold again, and I wasn't. Not inside anyway. Inside I was happiness and smiles and laughter and honey. Outside I was cruelty and smirks and pain. I didn't want to give that part of myself away. Not even to you. You just smiled when I told you this. You said you could wait. You'd kiss me and brush your fingertips along my palm. I proved you wrong though.

I began to fill up with your love. I found smiles instead of smirks, and blushing instead of a stone-cold expression. I thought that I could control it. I convinced myself that I could. And I found excuses for my behaviour so that I wouldn't have to admit to myself that I'd have to give you away. It was pointless though, like so much is. I started to miss you, and love you. For a while I knew that it was just because you were new. Like a toy…I'd tire of you surely. I should have worried the first time I decided to spend all night in your bed. Or that I'd daydream of you. Not just making love, but of your eyes, your skin, your smile.

The moment I knew I had to end it was when it slipped out one day. We were lying in your bed, just cuddling and I felt my whole body explode with a burning fire. I said them. Those eight pathetic letters that ruined me. Ruined us.

I Love You.

I'd never seen you look that happy. But, that was the time that I found out I'd lose you. And I didn't want to Harry. I wanted to just enjoy the moment as you did. You held me tighter.

"Me Too" you whispered.

It made me sick to my stomach. How Dare he love me. His love had changed me and mutated me. Made me into something that should be mocked and laughed at. I was pathetic.

And so, when he slept, I looked at him. I watched him sleep and I knew it would be my last. I kissed him on the forehead, and ran my fingertips over his scar, and then I made my exit.

I hate Harry Potter you see, because he loved me. It's quite simple when you put it like that. But love is never simple. I remember him passing me a note. I opened it and sent him a scathing look, though I wanted to reply. He asked why I had left him. He asked when could we next meet. I scribbled a time and a place on the paper and gave it back. Poor confused Harry. I did it though. I said goodbye with more dignity and heartlessness than I thought possible. After his crying, his desperate sobbing, and then the deathly silence, he turned to me. He turned to me and he simply said, "Please, please I want to love."

It's the please that breaks into my memory. That 'please' that created the pencil line in my heart. The line that grows bigger and bigger. No one knows of course. Not even you. You who claimed to be able to read my soul. Soul mates don't exist. I used to think that love didn't either. Now I have the ice. A cruel lover that breaks me, and burns me, but it is better than what I had, because you won't hurt me this way. Not again. Love is a pain that gets inside you and tears you apart, inside to outside.

You've never given me confused looks, or tried to talk to me. It was over and we knew it. And I hate you. So I want to go away. Far away and take care of myself. Take care of my bleeding heart. For now I have my ice. That is all I have. I'm back to the place inside myself where no one cares that I exist anymore. Not even me. How I wish I could leap into the air and fly away. It would almost be perfection. To be able to just be caught on a breeze, travelling with the snow and the night and the rain that would just forget me and carry me like I'm nothing. Like I don't exist. Almost perfection.

It is said that there is a river that runs deep inside us. That is controlled by the Angels, and when two people fall in love, the rivers combine. It is said that this river flows underneath all of our hurts and pains and helps us to forget them. They say that sometimes love separates and the river forks. It divides and creates the divide in our hearts. I've dived into this river trying to drown myself, but it won't let me. Because a memory, One Pathetic Memory keeps me from letting myself give up. It's you. It's you just saying please. The please haunts my dreams too…and my nightmares. These people say that if I rise out of the river, then I will conquer. I will find the true river again.

My problem is that I'm trapped, because after I dived in, my river froze. So I'm stuck with the hurt and pain. And I'm trying to reach the surface because of that word. That's why I'm col. I'm cold because I'm trapped in the deeper river. The one inside me. The one that is supposed to bring me, home again.

I hate you Harry Potter, for being the one person who EVER loved me, and for being the one person I could never have and never love in return.

~fin~

Well, I wrote this to try and get rid of my writer's block! Well, I don't really know if it worked. I like it though! I don't normally like what I write; I have so many fanfics stored in a folder that I keep hidden from all sunlight! Anyway, I would greatly appreciate if you review because I do need some inspiration to write more and who knows, maybe if you REVIEW ME then I will be able to write more and more and more…which none of you want! ANYWAY, review me and I will return the favour because I love you EVER so much!


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